You know, “Dear Abby” died. And that’s a sad thing. I grew up reading her advice column, and it was always pretty sound common sense type answers for all of life’s dilemmas. I loved Dear Abby. Her daughter has now taken over the pen name, and is writing that same advice column. However, she is NO Dear Abby.
I was reading the column today, and her advice was wayyyyy off the mark. Bad advice. Stupid advice.
She was promoting GUILT. A woman wrote in about her massive guilt over past relationship mistakes, and the answer was: “You appear to be carrying a large burden of guilt. And that’s a good thing.”
In polite parlance, I beg to differ. What really went through my mind in reading that answer: “Puritanical bullshit nonsense!”
I help clients release guilt all the time. It’s one of those corrosive, self destructive emotions that doesn’t need to hang on for years, decades, life times. We let that go. We grab onto the learning and wisdom from the past experiences (so we don’t repeat the mistakes), and move on in a new direction with new better feelings and concomitant new better choices and behaviors.
As my teacher, Dr. Richard Bandler, says: “Good feelings, good decisions. Bad feelings, bad decisions.” Right on, Richard! I agree wholeheartedly!
Holding guilt would lead to more guilt-inducing behaviors. Bad, bad advice, Dear Abby 2nd generation. I miss your mom and her common sense.
Another wisdom I’ve learned from my many teachers: “What you focus on expands.” When you focus your mind backwards and wrap yourself tighter and tighter into mistakes and the negative emotions there, that does not create positive change. That creates more mistakes and more negative emotion. When you focus somewhere else, you get something else. That’s what hypnosis helps with: a new focus. And new feelings. And new choices that lead to happy and successful and healthy.